my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
