didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
