she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
oh god was she eating orange peels again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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