I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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