You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
