Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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