I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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