Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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