It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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