My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
