i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
