I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
