I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
