I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
