We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
