i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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