I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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