Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i drank out of a bidet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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