her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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