Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
