Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
