Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
