I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Randomize
