This dress was meant to end up on your floor
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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