no, he came in my armpit
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
