my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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