Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
