Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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