dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
