plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
