i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my sisters under your porch take her home
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
