My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
