half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Come on in and take your pants off
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