Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
