I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
