Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
