and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
