he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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