i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
