ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
