Are we in a gay sports bar?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
