Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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