God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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