Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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