im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
