I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
