how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Someone came in the potted fern
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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