Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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