trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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