I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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