How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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