I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
