I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
