is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
